Post by Faro/Blade on Jul 20, 2012 10:16:03 GMT -6
I've started writing something a bit more serious, but I'm already running into problems. I figured I would introduce the setting before the lead, but I can't figure out how. So far I have this:
Our stage is set as the sun rises on the City Of Dogs. It's a dump, always has been, but the downtown nightlife and one of the largest ports in Japan give it an inflated yet warranted sense of purpose. The docks and the downtown district run the entire city. The docks brought in raw supplies and the almighty yen while one little section filled with nightclubs and towering offices in equal measure made sure it all went where it was supposed to go. At least it did in theory, seeing someone stumble from their bar stool into their desk job without missing a beat was a sight more common than seeing the person next to them vomit their guts out in a dirty alleyway. It wasn't all bad though, a life where booze is only a few steps from one's job tends to keep people happy and well-behaved until they get too much sake or whatever the hell else they're on in their blood. The most common type of violence in the City Of Dogs was the kind where neither party remembered why they woke up with a black eye and a bloody nose. As the amber sun rose higher, they shambled out of the dive bars and the exclusive clubs, shuffling along to the other half of their existence. Even those who couldn't drink or refused to do so were shambling out of bed and into the world they were obligated to be a part of. One of them was young man with brown hair and blue eyes. As he passed an open alleyway, he heard a rustle and a bang. He turned and walked inside, expecting to find a drunk scrounging for bus fare in the form plastic bottles and soda cans, but found only an uneasy feeling as the alleyway morphed around him. The cold concrete walls disappeared, giving way to a pair of suburban houses, lights on in the kitchen windows. The sky darkened to the blackest night, leaving two streetlights with moths flitting about them as the only means of illuminating a silhouetted figure holding a pistol. It raised the gun at the man, barrel pointed at one of his pale blue eyes. Two rows of white teeth split the figure's face with a sinister smile just before it fired.
Aaron's eyes flew open. He rolled over and pounded his fist into the pillow. It had been eleven years since that night. Why wouldn't the nightmares stop? He sighed and lifted himself out of bed. He dressed quickly, putting on a navy t-shirt and khaki cargo pants. He made himself a small breakfast then left for the university. His apartment was in one of the lower areas of the city, but you could still see a good portion of the most important slum on the planet. Namely the mountains that reined in it's development was reined in by forming a vast semicircle in the west. The mountains ended just before the coastline in the north, but reached all the way to the sea in the south. To the east lay said coastline, and all it had to offer. In the north, that meant that one of the largest ports in the nation was nestled right up against the heart of downtown. However, the further south you went, to more the trappings of industry faded away. Once you got away from the port, you ran into resorts and the beaches that they watched over. The tourism industry was modest compared to a place like Okinawa, but the city saw enough visitors that the police tended to focus a bit more than they should on keeping the hotels clear of crime, to the point that a new station had been erected right in the heart of Tourist Town, as it was called. Further south of the toursim areas were the suburbs, though it the limited space afforded to them by the looming mountains, suburbs meant "choked with many small apartment buildings." Citizens on the coast of the apartments had access to some nice public beaches, and for the more adventurous, the southernmost area of the city had no beaches, only cliffs that blended into the final mountain that formed the south end of the semi-circle that isolated the city. Aaron had often entertained the idea of attacking the cliffs, but acked the required equipment to make the climb. Deep in thought after the nightmare, Aaron made his way to the university. Jokingly called "obedience school" like all other places of education in the City of Dogs. It sat on a high enough to provide a clear view of the ocean as well as the southern area of the town where most of its students lived.
I can't help but feel that the bolded portion isn't subtle enough compared to the first paragraph.
Our stage is set as the sun rises on the City Of Dogs. It's a dump, always has been, but the downtown nightlife and one of the largest ports in Japan give it an inflated yet warranted sense of purpose. The docks and the downtown district run the entire city. The docks brought in raw supplies and the almighty yen while one little section filled with nightclubs and towering offices in equal measure made sure it all went where it was supposed to go. At least it did in theory, seeing someone stumble from their bar stool into their desk job without missing a beat was a sight more common than seeing the person next to them vomit their guts out in a dirty alleyway. It wasn't all bad though, a life where booze is only a few steps from one's job tends to keep people happy and well-behaved until they get too much sake or whatever the hell else they're on in their blood. The most common type of violence in the City Of Dogs was the kind where neither party remembered why they woke up with a black eye and a bloody nose. As the amber sun rose higher, they shambled out of the dive bars and the exclusive clubs, shuffling along to the other half of their existence. Even those who couldn't drink or refused to do so were shambling out of bed and into the world they were obligated to be a part of. One of them was young man with brown hair and blue eyes. As he passed an open alleyway, he heard a rustle and a bang. He turned and walked inside, expecting to find a drunk scrounging for bus fare in the form plastic bottles and soda cans, but found only an uneasy feeling as the alleyway morphed around him. The cold concrete walls disappeared, giving way to a pair of suburban houses, lights on in the kitchen windows. The sky darkened to the blackest night, leaving two streetlights with moths flitting about them as the only means of illuminating a silhouetted figure holding a pistol. It raised the gun at the man, barrel pointed at one of his pale blue eyes. Two rows of white teeth split the figure's face with a sinister smile just before it fired.
Aaron's eyes flew open. He rolled over and pounded his fist into the pillow. It had been eleven years since that night. Why wouldn't the nightmares stop? He sighed and lifted himself out of bed. He dressed quickly, putting on a navy t-shirt and khaki cargo pants. He made himself a small breakfast then left for the university. His apartment was in one of the lower areas of the city, but you could still see a good portion of the most important slum on the planet. Namely the mountains that reined in it's development was reined in by forming a vast semicircle in the west. The mountains ended just before the coastline in the north, but reached all the way to the sea in the south. To the east lay said coastline, and all it had to offer. In the north, that meant that one of the largest ports in the nation was nestled right up against the heart of downtown. However, the further south you went, to more the trappings of industry faded away. Once you got away from the port, you ran into resorts and the beaches that they watched over. The tourism industry was modest compared to a place like Okinawa, but the city saw enough visitors that the police tended to focus a bit more than they should on keeping the hotels clear of crime, to the point that a new station had been erected right in the heart of Tourist Town, as it was called. Further south of the toursim areas were the suburbs, though it the limited space afforded to them by the looming mountains, suburbs meant "choked with many small apartment buildings." Citizens on the coast of the apartments had access to some nice public beaches, and for the more adventurous, the southernmost area of the city had no beaches, only cliffs that blended into the final mountain that formed the south end of the semi-circle that isolated the city. Aaron had often entertained the idea of attacking the cliffs, but acked the required equipment to make the climb. Deep in thought after the nightmare, Aaron made his way to the university. Jokingly called "obedience school" like all other places of education in the City of Dogs. It sat on a high enough to provide a clear view of the ocean as well as the southern area of the town where most of its students lived.
I can't help but feel that the bolded portion isn't subtle enough compared to the first paragraph.