Kadina
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If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Jul 31, 2015 0:18:50 GMT -6
It had finally come to this. Enough off handed comments and twelve too many imaginary conversations later and Kadina had finally considered it time for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. But let's be real... She was only interested in what she might be able to steal from poor distinction all lowlifes like herself. Also, participating in anything anonymous sounded like a good idea considering she was a wanted criminal. Besides, Kadina practically functioned off of her curiosity and an AA meeting was one of those things that remained a mystery to her. It was an unventured ground she was interested to experience. Just for the hell of it. That way, when some asshat asked if she ever considered getting help for her addiction, she could say yes and not be lying for once. But then again... She wasn't really here for the help. So maybe she's still be lying??? Eh. Next paragraph "Thank you for joint us today. We still have a few more minutes before we start, so if everyone will please take a name tag and a seat we will begin shortly. Oh and Please help yourself to the refreshments at the back of the room." Said some bitch. Refreshments? Hell yes! Kadina began cramming her mouth, bra, pockets, britches and just about every other crevice and pouch you could imagine with cookies as she waited for more people to congregate. Slapping the cookies out of others' hands, she took those too. Then it finally registered what the leader bitch had said. "Nametags? I thought this was anonymous..." (Imagine that dialogue is colorful as most Kadina dialogue is)
Tag: Eldrin/VaiNotes: re establishing the rules: 1. Don't read until drunk 2. You have to be drunk to post 3. You have to provide proof that you are drunk (are we good for this rule or does it really matter??) 4. No edits!!!
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Eldrin/Vai
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Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Jul 31, 2015 10:04:35 GMT -6
Eldrin arrived in a fahsion not dissimilar to a trainwreck. He was shirtless, screaming something aboujt POTATOES. and he was missing a shoe. It seemed he had no idea where he was... but it was obvious he was exactly where he needed to be. It's not that he didn't know that they held alcoholic anonymous sessions in Kakariko every fifth sunday of the month... but rather that he didn't give a flying fuck.
The thief was halfway into his eight cookie by the time he noticed that his partner in crime was gorging herself right next to him. [color=Scarlet"Take that, tovah,"[/color\ he said, smugly, I got color dialoque and you dont! Eldrin smiled, clearly to drunk to be aware that his narrator was also schwasted, and probably mispellig everything.
When they called for them to get name tags, Eldrin immediately grabbed one for Kadina. "KATRINA SCHMUCKFACE" he wrote sloppily across the paper before pinning it to whatever the fuck kinda skimpy gypsy shit Kadina was wearing today. He smirked at her like a devious motherfucker or whatever, and took a seat next to a fat balding chick.
The session was calle dinto action, the proctor being an unusually skinny guy, with an extremely prominent lisp. "OkY. tho, who'th up firtht. We need a volunteer to share aboiut they're life and shit" He probably said. Too bad Eldrin was laughing at his lithp the whole time.
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Aug 1, 2015 3:13:24 GMT -6
First off... Do you know how fucking ahmmard it was to log in?? TOOO GOD DAMN HARD.
But I think I'm logged in now so proceeding with the thread:
Kadina smiled when she saw Eldrin and shoved a cookie in his mouth. "Not surprised to see you here, Tovah. Actually that's a lie.How the fuck are you here???" She choked down a cookie waiting for his response but it was too soon. The proctor (that's the word I was thinking of. THANK YOU) instructed the participants to take their seats. Eldrin was suddenly sticking a name to Kadina's chesticle that was impressively close to her actual name. She decided to return the favor with a name tag that read Sheldon Burrowitz and patted him on the cheek before tKing a seat.
"Pleath Tell utb about yourthelf! Are there any volunteerth willing to share about themthelveths and why they're here?"
Kadina dnickerd at his lisp before her hand instantly shot into the air. "Me me me me me!!"
"Ummm.. Okay! The young lady in the front here. Tell uth about yourthelf and why your here?"
Kaduna stoodnup and brushed- the cookie crumbs off of her chest.
" okay umm... Hi!!!!!! I'm Katrina shearbermenginsom or whatever. I enjoy scummy sons of bitches and eating some hardcore nearly burnt corn dogs. I'm also really into people with fairly accurate trumpet interpretations. If your trumpet interpretation sucks, don't even talk to me. I'm not interested. But if you've got some flare, don't be shy! I'd love to split a cookie with you." she winked seductively as if this were some blind date and stumbled back into her seat while waving her dainty fingers like a goddamn cheerleader to any remotely attractive man within the facility. She then elbowed Eldrin, that charming yet amusing idiocracy of a human urchin, and encouraged him to go next. She wasn't really sure of what was happening but she had concluded it was some sort of silly game and she loved games. And cookies. THIS PLACE WAS FANTASTIC!
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Eldrin/Vai
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Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Aug 1, 2015 11:47:53 GMT -6
HOLYSHITDORITOSAREFUCKINGAWESOME, the narrator thoujght, deliberately skipping spaces and putting everything in all caps. He/s notr that drunk you judgemental cunts. IDONT'[HAVE A RPOPRMLEM. shit, the narrator can;t even speelm properly (took me ten mintues for thatr, but no editing, that;s the rule.) Whatever, taangent and all that shit. Habu-sake 's a hell of a shot, and tequila don't help none. Umm, yeah. Eldrin smiled agt his name, though he didn't partivularly remember what it was. Shelton something-or-other. HOLD ON, COPY/PASTE WILL HELP TRE,ENDOUSLY HERE. NO I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYTHING IS CAPITALIZED RIGHT NOW, JUST BE FUCKING HAPPPY I CAN SPELL CAPTALIZXED/ uncapsed.
Eldrin registered Kadina's nudge about as quickly as a particularly mentally challenged sloth, which is to say he didn;t at all. Rather, he started spouting random facts/and/or blatant lies about of his own accord, midway through Kaidna's sentance. "Well, he said in color like a boss, FUCK QUOTATIONS. Amd a;sp I'm a miscreant, thief and genreally unpleasant sort of fellow. I've got a 9 inch cock and three nipples. I'm wanted in most realms and secretly sought after in all the others. I've fucked princesses and whores... and one individual of questionable gender...
"That's not to mention my clear inabuility to function without alcohol, my deep-seated mommy-issues, and my obvious feAR of commitement (except in the platonic sense)-" SHIT! is this a psychoanalysis of the narratpor? I don't know, but I know he must be a dashing;y clever motherfucker to properly spell that last big wqord as fucked up as he is.
"Okay," said the proctor, clrearly perturbed by the previous two descriptions he had just heard. {"Let'th move one to the reathon you're here..."} he said, hoping it would be neither of his first volunteers to say anything.
He was foolish in that hope...
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Aug 9, 2015 0:28:47 GMT -6
Why is this website so hard to navigate when under the influence of alcohol I and pickle juice ? By the way Jameson shots followed by pickle juice was the smartest thing ever and I don't care if I had to go to hooters for it. Also praise the goddesses for auto correct!!! Hashtag winning #
Kaduna nodded her head as if to confirm all that Eldrin was saying until he mentioned his 9 inch cock in which kaduna could not vouch for but she was impressed nonetheless. Distracted by his statement and trying to accurately measur w nine inches between her two index fingers, she seemed to miss most of the rest of his mwnt-@ soil (noooooo that makes no sense !!!)
After Eldrin finished and sat down. The gypsy noticed several other females and even the lisp guy giving Eldrin desirable stares. With a grimace on her face, Kadina hurled a cookie at one of the more vulimptuous females and stood up to answer the next question: why they were here.
"I'm here for no other reason than to humbly steal your valuables, eat all of your free refreshments, and cause a little mischief. I'm definitely not here for an alcohol problem because you can clearly see I don't have one." She hiccuped and chomped on another cookie.
"Kadina. Pardon me for interuoring but... It theemth asth though you might have already had a bit to drink. Ith thith a usual habit of yoursth?"
"Pshhhhh. Pfttt! Whaaaat?! What?! Me?!hahahajdkd" Kadina laughed hysterically to the point that she could barely breath and then to the point where she was choking on her cookie and hitting her fist to her chest as if to clear her throat. Nice the cookie had been hurled up, Kadina wiped her mouth and say back down. "Nope. No problem here. I'm sober as a kite!" She saluted the lispy homosexual and dipped her hand in her neighbor's pocket as if everybody's eyes weren't on her. When the man swatted her hand out of his pocket, she scowled at him, her bottom lip protruding ever slightly as if in a dissatisfied pout, and reached for the flask in her bra instead. Taking a swig and stuffing it back, she finally looked back at the leader guy man who was staring dumbfounded at her along with the rest of the group.
"What?! Next person, chop chop. And HA! My dialogue is colored now so you can kindly suck my dick, Eldrin! " Kadina said as she turned to her partner in crime and stuck out her tongue immaturely and proudly.
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Eldrin/Vai
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Kaepora Gaebora
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Oct 30, 2015 5:42:02 GMT -6
Blastin Ed Sheeran loud enoufh to wake up the entire barracks is prettty great when you;re drunk.\Ekldrin reacted finally, becuase his narrator had finally gotten back to Korea. But first he looked around in confusion at what the narrator had just said. wHat was Korea? Some province across the sea perhaps? Probs. Eldrin reached out and caught the cookue Kadina had spit up in his hadn. He immediately through this at the instructor. Before the lisp-guy could erespond to this (I CANT THINK OF THE FUCKIGN WORD) ELDRIN answered jhis question. "ME? I'm here to resolve my longstanding problem with NOT GIVING A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK YOU JUDGEMENTAL SHIT!"] eldrin yelled at the guy he'd just thrown a chewed up cookie at.
The folks of the AA meeting seemed to aggree heartily with this statement. Eldrin whipped out a bottle of rum (but like, 151 kind. ya know) and started passing it around. The newly endrunken (is that a word>?) crowd started to riot.
FIN
(New Rule: if you have access to a laptop, use it. And make no correctons your fiongers do what they want)
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Dec 6, 2015 2:39:30 GMT -6
(I'm on my phone is that okay? ? I could keep pressing the question mark? ? For ever? ) Kadina snatched the bottle of rum from Eldrin before he had a chance to pass it around. "Since we're opening up about shit and stuff, I have a confession to make." Kadina cleared her throat and took a swig of Eldrin's rum to assist in the process. "I spiked the punch..." She spiked the fucking punch at an AA meeting. Everybody looked at each other with shifty eyes. Some of them swirled the liquid of their drinks 'round and 'round their cups, almost happy about the secret. The leader dude Procter man whatever the fuck he was, however, appeared to be very displeased. "Kadina," he addressed with the most stern of expressions and tone of voice. "Do you mean to tell me that you came to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting... and spiked the punch?" She sat back in her seat shamefully yet not all that regretfully.. "Yes?" She said more as a question than a statement. Suddenly, a fiery conglomerate of Burning coal burst through the nearest window pane and exploded where it landed in the back of the room. It seemed everyone knew the drill, even in their unintentionally intoxicated state, thanks to Kadina spiking their punch. Everyone hit the ground. Grimacing from the blast against her bare skin and the debris cutting and flinging from the explosion, Kadina suddenly realized life wasn't as currently as sweet as the numerous cookies she had recently been consuming. What the hell was happening? And why was the AA meeting being disrupted in a violent attack? Smoke obscured her already blurry and intoxicated vision as she looked around to comprehend what was happening or even hopefully identify a familiar face. However, before she even had the chance, a scarlet and peculiarly shaped three-pronged foot slammed down infront of her face only helping to stir the dust and debris in a hypnotizing swirl. The thief glanced up, eyes squinted to shield against the stir of catastrophe. A moblin stood before her, a bow grasped tightly in its fist as it took careful aim at her forehead. With little time to react, Kadina rolled to her right and scrambled quickly to her feet taking. Hold of an empty chair beside her and slamming it against the back of the moblin's head. Splinters flew and the chair crumbled in her grasp. The moblin stumbled forward and staggered into a some-what hallucinated state allowing Kadina enough time to penetrate it with her dagger. "We have company!!" She yelled out, hoping that Eldrin (her partner in crime) could here her.
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Dec 6, 2015 3:12:18 GMT -6
(I'm on my phone is that okay? ? I could keep pressing the question mark? ? For ever? ) Kadina snatched the bottle of rum from Eldrin before he had a chance to pass it around. "Since we're opening up about shit and stuff, I have a confession to make." Kadina cleared her throat and took a swig of Eldrin's rum to assist in the process. "I spiked the punch..." She spiked the fucking punch at an AA meeting. Everybody looked at each other with shifty eyes. Some of them swirled the liquid of their drinks 'round and 'round their cups, almost happy about the secret. The leader dude Procter man whatever the fuck he was, however, appeared to be very displeased. "Kadina," he addressed with the most stern of expressions and tone of voice. "Do you mean to tell me that you came to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting... and spiked the punch?" She sat back in her seat shamefully yet not all that regretfully.. "Yes?" She said more as a question than a statement. Suddenly, a fiery conglomerate of Burning coal burst through the nearest window pane and exploded where it landed in the back of the room. It seemed everyone knew the drill, even in their unintentionally intoxicated state, thanks to Kadina spiking their punch. Everyone hit the ground. Grimacing from the blast against her bare skin and the debris cutting and flinging from the explosion, Kadina suddenly realized life wasn't as currently as sweet as the numerous cookies she had recently been consuming. What the hell was happening? And why was the AA meeting being disrupted in a violent attack? Smoke obscured her already blurry and intoxicated vision as she looked around to comprehend what was happening or even hopefully identify a familiar face. However, before she even had the chance, a scarlet and peculiarly shaped three-pronged foot slammed down infront of her face only helping to stir the dust and debris in a hypnotizing swirl. The thief glanced up, eyes squinted to shield against the stir of catastrophe. A moblin stood before her, a bow grasped tightly in its fist as it took careful aim at her forehead. With little time to react, Kadina rolled to her right and scrambled quickly to her feet taking. Hold of an empty chair beside her and slamming it against the back of the moblin's head. Splinters flew and the chair crumbled in her grasp. The moblin stumbled forward and staggered into a some-what hallucinated state allowing Kadina enough time to penetrate it with her dagger. "We have company!!" She yelled out, hoping that Eldrin (her partner in crime) could here her.
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Eldrin/Vai
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Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Dec 11, 2015 7:58:45 GMT -6
"We have company!!" Eldrin looked over, mid-chug, the rim of the punch-bowl. That was why he the L-worded Kadina... shit like spiking the goddamn punchbowl at an AA meeting. Indeed, they did have company. Lots of it in fact. A moblin landed in front of Eldrin. The thief wide, giving a looked somewhat similar to a fucking rapist. If he was sexually attracted to the moblin (and lets face it, that wouldn't be the mostr surprising thing Eldirn waS into), he had a weird way of showing it, as he shattered the punchbowl across the creature's fat skull. The thief's caught a shard of the busted bowl, and planted it firmly in the side of the mobluns neck. His hand was sliced open in this act, and, being a fucking psychopath, Eldrin smeared the burgeoning blood across his face. More moblins were busting into the joint, and Eldrin realized it was up to him and his tovah to save the day... well, not the day... the alcoholics shitbags of Hyrule... but these were his people, his PEEPS (ain't nobody used that word since the goddamned ninety's but IM BRINGIN IT BACK). Eldrin whipped out his dagger with the speed of something fast, and ripped the nearest moblinz throat out. "I ain't taken appointments right now, so THE FUCK are these hoes doin here?!" The other moblin clearly realized that there were only two real threats to their not so well planned out raid (seriously, why are they attacking an AA meeting? Stupid moblins.) turned their focus on Eldrin and Kadina. Eldrin smoersauted his ass over to Kadina's position. He pressed his back up against her's, both holding their weapons up like they were in a action movie or something. tHE theoretical camera spun slowly around them, like cinematically and shit. And then shit got cray cray. ][ Eldrin caught the first moblin who jumped at him with {i}Avarice tp the throat[/i], the next, he met with his dagger. It was a bloodbath, but totally morally ok, cause their just moblins, amirite?
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Jan 31, 2016 3:57:57 GMT -6
Back to back with Eldrin, Kadina tried to focus on the situation but couldn't seem to get her mind off of how bad ass they looked in that moment. If only there were some sort of hardcore metal theme song to go along with the scenario, she would have probably felt unstoppable.
Suddenly, a vase came crashing towards her face, provoking her to suck and dodge (frantically, mind you)
"Oh gods damn it, I'm too drunk for this. Maybe we should have taken this AA meeting more seriously. I'm fucking useless!" She turned and grabbed Eldrin by his collar and managed to duck another flying death contraption in the midst.
AA attendees were totally fjcked. They didn't have nearly the capability not capacity to defend themselves as Eldrin and Kadina. A wave of responsibility suddenly washed over Kadina but not enough in the sense to sober her up. No, that possibility was long gone. She was drunk as a rat in wine barrel.
@okay, let's just do what we do best and orchestrate some devastating chaos to consume these mother fuckers and we can make out on the tail end with a few of these drunkards thrown over our backs or something"
In that moment, something tragic yet heroic occurred to her. Alcohol BURNS.
"Let's burn this place to the ground!" Kadina unstrapped her canteen full of liquor and ran to the refreshments table where she yanked the table cloth off without disturbing a single piece of silver like a goddes damned magician or some shot and doused it in the alcohol contained within her canteen. "Eldrin! I don't have my flint!! Can you light me?" She swung the alcohol drenched fabric around like a damn matador. Surely there was some way to catch the cloth on fire and toss it into the most flammable display around.
The other drunks crawled cautiously on all fours to the nearest cover, whether that be behind a counter, table, or chair, but the moblin's were getting aggressive. They would have to act quickly.
"Goddess bless alcohol. Without it, none of this might work.." She smirked and winked at the nearest moblin pushing the sole of her foot to its head as it tried to charge her.
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Eldrin/Vai
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Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Jan 31, 2016 4:14:56 GMT -6
Eldrin was pretty sure he wasn't drunk. He had a certain sort of awareness about him, one that a drunk wouldn't have. He knew where he was... Kakariko, probably. He knew what he was doing, fighting moblins... mostly. I mean, at the moment he was downing a bottle of wine that some delinquent had brought to the meeting... but he was still sort of fighting moblins.
Suddenly Kadinnervous was swinging a cloth drenched in alcohol toward him, asking for a light. Eldrin didn't even think about it. He snapped his fingers, the cloth ignited instantly. Seconds later, it was blazing furiously in his tovah's hands.
Something told him he had revealed a vital secret just now... but the alcohol told him, "Eh, who's gonna know?"
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on May 28, 2016 22:46:27 GMT -6
Wait what?! Kadina's narrator tried desperately to remember back to a time when Eldrin had used some flammable ability to ignite well... Anything... And she was drawing a blank.
Ah ha!! This was new!! Which means Kadina should be surprised! Oh right yes... Back to third person non-narrative role play.
Kadina was surprised!
"HOLY DIN'S FIRE! HOW DID YOU--" Kadina tossed the burning cloth out to her side into a book shelf before it could burn her fingers to a crisp. It hadn't been how she expected him to light the alcohol-soaked cloth. She figured he'd be limited to do what anyone else would have had to use - a flint - but Eldrin apparently had some insane fire manipulation powers that she had completely forgotten about since the early days of ZP.
The brittle pages of the books began to catch with fire and the flame grew faster than yeast in a baker's rack, spreading to the walls and curtains. Smoke began to fill the room as Kadina fought off another moblin with a dagger between the eyes. It was difficult to focus on her enemy (perhaps because she was drunk) but had she really just seen Eldrin snap his fingers and light a flame? DEVILRY! WITCHCRAFT!
GENIUS!
Kadina gouged her knee into the gut of an enemy moblin and swung it around into the flames then drew her shawl up around her nose and mouth to withstand the smoke-filled air.
"Tovah! Some of our fellow alcoholics are passed out from the smoke! We have to pick their pockets and get them out of here!" She shielded her eyes from the glare of the flame to scout her companion. This task couldn't be done alone. If only they had their whole crew present, then they could really kick some names and take some ass.
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