Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Jul 26, 2012 15:08:03 GMT -6
So Argoth had this idea about a month ago for people to suggest criticism for their writing. I think a fair amount of us on ZP take our writing seriously and would love to use a fun RPG such as this to enhance and build our skill. So, with that being said, here is a thread in which you can comment on our members' writing (if they ask, of course) and let them know how you think they could improve. Let's try not to be overly critical, however. Try to accompany all criticism with compliments as well. I know there is plenty of praise to offer since ZP has some awesome writers, even if some of us consider ourselves to be amateurs So be nice! And don't forget... if you ask for criticism, you're not allowed to let it offend you. There. Rules established. Proceed
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Jul 26, 2012 15:23:07 GMT -6
ALSO, I just enabled the karma setting so if someone makes a post that you thought was great either structure, mechanics, or entertainment-wise, you can exalt them for it Let's not smite people though because I think if someone is smited so many times, it puts their account on probation or something like that. not sure... still figuring that out...
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Eldrin/Vai
Administrator
Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Jul 29, 2012 14:32:40 GMT -6
So... Nobody else is volunteering... So I will! ;D
Don't hold back either, I want the (inevitably painful) truth!
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Post by Argoth/Maximus on Jul 29, 2012 15:36:46 GMT -6
Oh cool:) You actually did my idea. I also volunteer! I want to know what you guys think I need to improve on.
But before you criticize me Eldrin has asked first. So! I will do the first honors.
Okay Eldrin, here is what I love about your writing, it always has a nice flow to it which makes it very enjoyable to read. You have great sentence variation and plenty of good details as well. However, whenever you post its always so long and filled with what I feel like is some unnecessary detail or added feelings that don't fit with the post. Sometimes you also stray off topic, sometimes, but rarely, and that makes it distracting for the reader when you have Eldrin do certain things. I also have taken into account that that is also his kinda personality, random and weird, and that is funny, but sometimes you overdo it.
Anyway, I absolutely enjoy your writing Eldrin and you have always been one of my favorite people to write with so keep it up:)
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Post by Iona on Jul 29, 2012 17:13:27 GMT -6
Eldrin. Well, okay. Here we go.
So I like your writing style. It's detailed and sometimes when it needs to be, straight forward. I rather like your detail...but especially when you're describing a battle scene, not so much when it's describing something on a character or so forth. Sometimes it's hard to understand what Eldrin does because of the detail. I'm guilty of the same thing, I know.
And I love the randomness. It's a nice break from straight up dialogue between characters and it's honestly funny. It's creative and brings something out to break the monotony. And...agh I have nothing else because I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. K bye!
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Kadina
Administrator
If you're bored then you're boring.
Posts: 379
Played By: MOjO
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Post by Kadina on Jul 29, 2012 22:40:58 GMT -6
Oh no! I think I do that straying off topic thing too... I think... if so, I blame ADHD. Maybe that's why I never noticed Eldrin did it? AnyhOo I really have no criticism on Eldrin's writing. I've always really enjoyed it I like his structure and style. It all flows nicely, and it's just the right level of intelligence so I don't feel like I'm reading a children's book or a foreign language. Most of all, I love the character! I always thought Eldrin and Kadina were perfect for each other, but we all know how weird that would be. Also, the detail thing! I love your detail and creativity "All of the Stars" has kept me on my toes, and I'm pretty stoked to read what happens. So yup! Not any criticism here, except I think it wouldn't hurt for you to give Eldrin a personal quest/back story to further develop. Then again, I love how consistent he is. Adding depth always alters a character, but it also makes them more interesting, ya know? Either way, I love him. Great job Argoth: Sometimes you just blow my mind. Seriously! Pretty much every member on here inspires me so much with their writing. You're all incredible. (Here I am straying off again. Back to Argoth) First of all, props for your creativity! Also, your structure And you've been so consistent with your quests. Honestly, I think I owe you a big one for being such a key player in keeping this site alive. You always have something going on and it's really fun to be a part of. You've also captured your characters in such a personal way. My heart melts reading about Max. You portray him so perfectly that I feel like I can actually relate to knowing him. He's just precious. Only advice I can think of is to not avoid detail, especially in movement, location, and body language. That helps RPers out a lot when trying to interact. Oh yeah! You did a description of Max's dad in "Abomination" that was pretty much perfect. "The man stood on his right side and was grotesquely deformed. His arms were bulbous and enourmously muscular. Viens snaked up and down his arms, and his hands were like miniature boulders. He was several feet taller than Syrus and had legs like tree trunks. His entire body seemed to be comprised of muscle, all the way from his neck down." That was a great visual for me, and I'd like to see more description like this from you Also, you guys can feel free to return the criticism. I know I need it. Hit meh!
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Post by Torir/Elye on Aug 5, 2012 17:44:37 GMT -6
I think I'll join into the constructive criticism. Although, I won't be able to give you any pros and cons of your writing for a little while until I read more of your writing. I might give some later when I know your writing better. But if you want to talk about my writing, go ahead.
I would like to say that the quote of Eldrin's that Kadina put up made me think of Bane from Batman (not the new movie, but from the comics.) I don't know who I'm telling whether it's Eldrin for making the quote in the first place or Kadina for posting it.
(Edit: This post, being my 50th, made me gain another star. YAY!)
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Eldrin/Vai
Administrator
Kaepora Gaebora
Posts: 646
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Post by Eldrin/Vai on Aug 5, 2012 18:49:12 GMT -6
Oh, that quote was Argoth's... Thanks though, I'll still take the credit! Haha! ;D Ok, so first let me just say... Thanks guys! I feel like I've gotten more compliments than criticism (oh wait, I have!). But, don't get me wrong, I'll still take the criticism to heart. I'll keep it all in mind for the future. Now to my own criticisms... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Eldrin... Yes, I am in fact going to criticize myself. My dearest Eldrin, First, allow me to express my most sincere affections. Sometimes, I truly believe I may be in love with you... And your character, well, easily my favorite in all of ZP. I think I would marry him if he weren't actually you, and therefore me... Confusing much? Anyway... You need to learn consistency!!! How many different Sangers have their been? Cais? Not to mention, Zenith was supposed to be the new Cai... Oh yeah, and what's with all the unfinished threads?! By my count, you have three going right now. Two of them have been waiting on you to post for a freakin' lifetime... 2/3 IS NOT A GOOD FRACTION!!! Not to mention, why have you still not updated Eldrin's registration?! "To be updated, when I stop being so lazy..." is not an acceptable History! Also, how long has he had that scar? And you still haven't updated his appearance... *sigh* I'm done... I give up! You sir, are hopeless! ArgothAmazing. I think that's a fine word to describe your writing... I love the fighting. Violence is Argoth's hobby, and you've got it down to the letter (literally). Your battle sequences blow me away every time I read them. "Zombieland" is a good (and recent) example of this. Great timing, nice flow, and fantastically gruesome descriptions. Even aside from the violence, your characters are all great, and you seemed to have a really good grasp on them. Personally, Eldrin is the only character I understand... The others I'm almost always lost with. But with your's, it always seems like you really do know them. You're great! Really, keep it up! And keep the violence coming... As far as criticism, I don't really have much to say... The only thing I really have to criticize is something that I'm sure you already know. In fact, you've already mentioned it in "Cave Dwellers". Max is very... outgoing. Extremely. It's kind of odd... But then again, it's part of his character. I guess it actually isn't a bad thing... I don't know... KadinaKadina, admin extraordinaire... I love your writing. I've always found it very... Awesome? I don't know what it is really, but it's great! "More Precious than Gold" was incredible! I think it's mainly that your post all seem well planned out and executed, ya know? And Kadina herself: perfect. She's got a great balance of greed, mischief, and practicality. I've had similar thoughts about Eldrin and Kadina, but I also agree that it would be pretty dang awkward... Anywho, I also like the way that you keep any thread that you're in going. If the creator of the thread starts slacking, you can be counted on to pick up the slack. Yet it never feels like you're straight up commandeering the thread. Um... Kadina needs to get around more... That's the best I've got, Kadina isn't in enough threads. But, as of late, you've been fixing that little issue. So I guess I have no complaints. (By the way, me and Argoth currently have exactly the same number of posts. 530, to be specific. Weird, and also kind of cool...)
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Post by Torir/Elye on Aug 5, 2012 19:07:11 GMT -6
Oh wow, I read "description" and associated it with you because Iona, Kadina, and Argoth said you were really descriptive. Well I guess I was telling that to Kadina and Argoth then. Lol, sorry about that
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Post by Faro/Blade on Aug 10, 2012 1:12:40 GMT -6
Alright fine, let me have it. I warn you though, I cannot take a compliment. I also can't give terribly long speeches about others without feeling judgmental, so don't expect more than a few sentences. Kadina: I like what I read. I do. But there's not nearly enough of it. However, you've been fixing that lately, so I have no real arguments. I think it's great that Kadina doesn't trust Faro right off the bat, he's one of Ganon's top soldiers, so he should be scary. Though that image will change soon enough, I guarantee it. Argoth: Bring the violence It's significant To the life If you've ever known anyone Bring the violence It's significant To the life Can you feel it? ah-ow-ow! That's all I got. Eldrin: I feel that I'm at a disadvantage for never having read Highway Robbery. :\ Still, I like your style, it's probably what would happen if I wrote down everything my mind wandered to and from while I'm writing a post. And that's awesome. Torir: Not bad for the new kid.
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